


Welcome to Hell, Cell

by NT_Archer



Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: Enemies to reluctant allies to ??? to lovers, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Hell is a bureaucracy and youre sick of it, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rating May Change, Slow Burn, gender neutral reader
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-13
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2019-10-09 08:44:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17403740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NT_Archer/pseuds/NT_Archer
Summary: After 2000 years of working in Hell, your boring desk job suddenly gets turned upside down by another wannabe destroyer of Earth.





	1. A New Case

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for clicking on this! This is the first work I've ever posted, and it also doesn't have a beta reader. I've had horrible writer's block for a bit over 3 years and I'm treating this series as a warm up. Any feedback is appreciated. I hope you enjoy it!

The loud thump of a giant stack of paper hitting your desk jerked you awake. You glanced at the clock on the opposite wall, dismayed to find that your shift was only halfway over. Your attention turned to the demon standing in front of you, an overweight blue skinned man who you think is named Frank.  
  
"What is this?" you asked.  
"A case."  
Your eyes widened and your boredom induced sleepiness vanished.  
"A case?"  
"A case."  
  
Though the file front of you was thinner than the last set you had been bestowed, you quickly snatched it up and began flipping through it.  
  
"Interesting," you mumbled. "Has he gotten past Yemma yet?"  
"Still arguing with him, should be here in a few hours. Anyway, assignment details are at the bottom of the stack. Have fun, boss."  
  
He left you with your reading material, which you tore through enthusiastically.  
  
You'd been stuck in Hell for over 2000 years. However you'd only done the bare minimum to get there, and instead of being assigned to an eternity of torture and suffering you were offered a job.  
  
Yemma was always in need of new case managers, and you happily accepted the challenge. After roughly a century of training you became a cog in the vast machine known as Hell. On paper, the job sounds great. You meet your assigned person upon their entry, brief them on their new situation, guide them to their designated circle, and occasionly check up on them to make sure their transition goes smoothly. After that you pretty much leave them alone unless you need to log one of their complaints or supervise any free time they've earned.  
  
You became damn good at your job, so much so that you worked your way up to Regional Manager of Case Managers of Earth's Hell. Yes, that's the actual title Yemma gave you. He calls it RMCMEH for short. You hated the title almost as much as you hated the job.  
  
For the most part the job was all paper work. Most days you were lucky if you were able to leave your cramped office for lunch. It was a far cry from being a new soul's guide to eternal damnation.  
  
Still, every few years someone deemed too difficult for the most experienced case managers fell to you. Only Yemma himself could assign you a case, which is a pretty big deal since they're generally assigned randomly to whatever employee had an opening.  
  
Your last baddie had been the insufferable Frieza. You sent the despicable despot to what was fondly referred to as The Field of Happiness and wiped your hands of him. That file was at least 10 times as large as the one currently in front of you.  
  
As you scanned through it a very familiar name kept popping up: Son Goku. Just reading the name gave you a migraine. The vast majority of cases that came across your desk nowadays had something to do with him.  
  
While his enemies tended to make your mundane life more interesting, it greatly annoyed you how he couldn't grasp the fact that he is a shit magnet. Super villains were a game to him, and he treated his planet's Eternal Dragon like his own personal genie in a bottle.  
  
Because of him, the days after Frieza destroyed Earth were THE WORST.  
  
Your office prided itself on its thorough 1-on-1 journeys through hell. The sudden influx of souls meant most managers had at least 50 cases at one time. The experience had gone from a personalized tour of one's new home to something resembling a cheap group seminar. Stress levels were at an all time high.  
  
And then, _then_ , fucking Goku wished everyone back. Suddenly, those days of working to exhaustion were for nothing. Needless to say, all of your employees were pissed.  
  
And who did they complain to when they were pissed?  
  
That's right.  
  
You.  
  
The whole month was even more hellish than actual hell for you. Then, you had to deal with Frieza, the metaphorical icing on the shit cake Goku had served you. You hated the man. Yemma, on the other hand, seemed to absolutely adore him, which pissed you off even more.  
  
You realized that in the time you spent seething about Goku you could have finished reading the file in front of you. The more you read the more engulfed you were in this person story. Perhaps it was your personal bias, but you found yourself rooting for the bad guy for once. Unfortunately, he had no real hope of winning and ended up here.  
  
Shocker.  
  
Your joints cracked as you stood up for the first time all day. After some quick stretches you made your way to the assigned waiting room. As you walked in you internally lamented about how much nicer this room was than your office.  
  
Sitting on the plush couch in the center of the room was your case. Although he wasn't the oddest of creatures you'd ever seen, his size, green armor, and strange crown slightly threw you off. While you knew to expect a bug man, this was not what you had envisioned. You cleared your throat and put on your best customer service voice to greet him.  
  
"Hello, and welcome to Hell! My name is (Y/N) and I'll be overseeing your transition from Earth. After a brief video, I'll give you a tour of your new home!"  
  
The man turned his head and his violet eyes locked onto yours.  
  
"You've got to be kidding me."  
  
"I unfortunately am not," you said with your fakest smile. "Now have a seat and enjoy the show."  
  
The man's scowl deepened and he turned his attention back to the blank screen in front of him. A clunky projector was parked behind the chair he was in, and with a flip of a switch the room darkened and the wall opposite of you two lit up. An overly chipper demon filled the screen, and for what seemed like that the billionth time you heard the phrase:  
  
"So, you've ended up in hell. You might be wondering, what now?"  
  
He groaned and he turned to you again.  
  
"Do I really need to sit through this?"  
  
"Believe me when I say I hate this part more than you do. Now shut up and take notes, it will be over soon."  
  
His eyes narrowed and he turned back to the screen. A simple thought passed through your mind, and if you weren't completely dead inside you might have chuckled at the phrase.  
  
_Welcome to hell, Cell._


	2. Orientation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting Cell to cooperate isn't easy, until he realizes he's no longer in charge.

Cell had fallen asleep less than 10 minutes into the video. You didn't blame him, it was...just awful. You figured you'd be stuck in this room with him for a while, and you pulled out your Hellphone to scroll through Otherworld's various social media sites.

If it weren't for the Internet you probably would have gone crazy a long time ago. As you were reading a forum post about the skeletal difference between Namekian and Earthling birds, you saw Cell jerk awake in your periphery vision.

"Oh for the love of- I'm really still here!?"  
" Yes, and since you fell asleep we get to start the whole video all over again!"

He stood up and glared at you.  
"We don't have to do anything."  
He strode over to the door and tried to open it only to find that the knob refused to budge. He then raised his hand to the door and after a brief moment of focus, he looked at them in confusion.

"What's the matter?" You asked, already knowing the answer.  
"My Ki, I can't channel it!"  
Without waiting for you to reply he clenched his fists and unleashed a barrage of punches on the door. The large wood door did not rattle, nor did it make a sound when it was hit. There was no sign that Cell had landed a blow at all.

"Let's get a few things straight, Bug Boy. You-"  
He whirled around, and his wings snapped and twitched. His rage filled eyes pierced through you, and his tail extended behind him and lashed about.

"Do not call me that," he said in a calm voice that contrasted with his body's actions. "Say those words again and I will end you."  
"No, you won't. Rather, you cant. You have no power here. You couldn't even try to kill a fly if you tried. Now, sit down and watch the video."  
"I dont know who you think you are but so help me I-"  
"I'm (Y/N)" you said, cutting him off with your iciest tone.  
You strode up to him and met his eyes directly. "I'm your assigned case manager and I can make your experience here much worse than it needs to be."

Though he was much taller than you and ridiculously jacked, he did not intimidate you one bit. When he realized you were not going to back down he crossed his arms and smirked.

"How would you do that?"  
"For starters," you placed your hand on the baton hanging from your belt. "This can an send an electric current equivalent to a lightning bolt through your body if I decide to hit you with it. Now, i want to leave this room just as much as you do, but we can't until you finish the video. Every time I have to restart it, I will hit you, understand?"  
"Hmph, as if that stick could-"

With the speed and efficiency only gained from centuries of practice, you removed the baton from its sheath and swatted the bug across his face. His body jolted as the current surged through him. His scream ignited the smallest spark of giddiness within you. Your time in hell had made you somewhat of a sadist.

He crumpled to his hands and knees, shaking and gasping.  
"Lesson learned?"  
He slowly crawled back to his chair, and mumbled something you couldn't quite hear.  
"I'm sorry, what was that? Speak up, please!"  
"I said play the damn movie!" He growled.

Without another word you turned the projector back on and continued scrolling through your phone.  
.  
.  
.

After he finally sat through the video the two of you had moved to your office, where you were going over what was to come. 

"The chip attached to your neck during intake acts as a tracking and communication device. You are allowed to contact me once a year, use that wisely as you won't be able to again for exactly one year or until your designated free day."  
"Free day?"

You supposed he could be forced to sit through the introduction video but you couldn't actually make him pay attention. You decided explaining free days to him would be easier than sitting through another temper tantrum.

"If you go one year without an incident you are allowed 1 supervised day in Limbo."  
'We both know that I dont know what Limbo is."  
"And I should hit you for that. Limbo is a neutral zone Heaven and Hell share. It's very similar to an Earth city. You can find restaurants, shops, various entertainment districts, and so on. People assigned to hell, like you, need permission from Yemma to visit."  
"Can I destroy it?"  
"Absolutely not."  
"Then theres no point in me going."  
"Ater a couple of years you'll be begging me for a day trip."

Cell rolled his eyes.  
"Moving on, what's next? More videos? Do I perhaps need to sign a contract?"  
"Yes, actually." You removed a sizeable group of papers from the back of his file. "The way its phrased basically forces you to sign it anyway so I won't waste our time forcing you to read it. Just sign over the highlighted portions and we'll be off to your assigned location." 

His eyes narrowed and that damned smirk appeared on his face again.  
"I'd like to know what I'm signing."  
He reached over and plucked the contract from your hands. His eyes slowly scanned over over each line, occasionally letting out a hmm or a gasp. You knew exactly what he was doing, and you didn't let it bother you one bit. 

You decided to humor him.

"Good, you wouldn't want to accidentally initial by the Pineapple Clause."  
"Pineapple Clause?"  
"Paragrah 8. You may be reaching it soon."

You waited patiently until his eyes widened and he looked up at you.

"No."  
"Oh yeah," you said nonchalantly. "That's there for people who sign without reading, which I was hoping you'd do."  
"Thats just cruel, even I wouldn't subject an enemy to that."  
"Don't think about it too much."

He continued to read (or at least pretended to) and you took the opportunity to look through some emails on your work computer. You sighed in relief at the first one you read, which detailed an Incident that would prevent Frieza from visiting Limbo this year. 

Frieza's genetics partially made up the man sitting in front of you, and you wondered if he'd be just as troublesome as the Icejin. Multiple escape attempts had been made, and even though he had been mostly immobilized he had managed to get his teeth on a sentient teddy bear and rip its arm off. The payout Yemma had given to it for the incident was so astounding that you wouldn't complain if Frieza ever did the same to you.

You let your eyes wander back to Cell. The visible portions of his skin were similar in color to Frieza's and they shared the same black nails. His face was the most human part of him, besides his strange eyes.

"Admiring the view?" He asked without looking up from the contract. "I dont blame you, this kind of perfection isn't seen every day."  
"I'm just trying to figure out where your bug parts came from."  
His eyes snapped towards you.  
"I can see Frieza in you, a bit of human, but the rest?"  
"I suggest you stop talking or change the subject."  
"And I suggest you finish reading that soon. I know you can read faster than that."  
He stared at you for a moment longer before returning to the papers. 

A few minutes later he had everything signed. You placed all the papers and files where they needed to be, and Cell stared at you the entire time with an unreadable face.

"Now that the boring stuff is over we can proceed to the next step."  
"And that would be?"  
"Taking you to your own personal slice of hell."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise it gets better!


	3. Rings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You finally put Cell in his place

"My own personal slice of hell, hmm? What could that possibly entail?"  
  
"Anything that could cause you physical and mental distress."  
  
"Torture?"  
  
"No, your masochistic tendencies would cause that to eventually backfire. I must admit, you're a very difficult soul to place."  
  
"So just throw me into one of those flame pits outside and get on with it."  
  
"It's not that simple. You'd gain nothing from that. You see, theres a reason you were assigned to me."  
  
"And what is that?'  
  
"My job is a bit more than lecturing and pencil pushing. Normally a case manager sends people to pre-existing hellscape. Most souls are predictable and easy to punish. So many terrors are shared among large groups of people that chances are their perfect punishment already exist. Then theres people like you.   
"Exceptionally terrible people tend to share similar traits. Violent, narcissistic, devoid of emotion, sound familiar? Those people cant just be thrown into an eternity of darkness. Yemma can tell who needs a more individualized experience. He sends those people to me."  
  
"Is this the part where you brag about how special and important you are? Because it's only interesting when I do that."  
  
"You havent said very much since you've been here, but its those little snippets of commentary that tell much more about yourself than your file did."  
  
"Oh? Such as?"  
  
"You're extremely self absorbed, and despite that you're much more insecure than you think."  
  
"What insecurities could someone like me possibly have?"  
  
"You think you're perfect, correct?"  
  
"I know I am."  
  
"Then why would a perfect being have wings they cant use?"  
  
"I can use them"  
  
"But you dont. Using your ki to fly probably expends less energy than using your wings, right? So essentially they're useless."  
  
His eyes narrowed. "What are you doing?"  
  
"I'm doing my job. I'm getting under your skin."  
  
You reached into your desk and pulled out a small golden ring. You placed it on the desk between you and he looked at it expectantly.   
  
"While I'm flattered at the gesture, we've only just met, and you're not my type"  
  
"This is your ring," you said, ignoring his comment. You waved your hand over it and it began to glow. "It is a portal to your hell. Any punishment I can think of will meet you on the other side of it."   
The ring's light began to flicker, and it appeared to slowly grow in size.   
  
"Isn't it neat?" You mumbled, mainly to yourself. Despite the vast amount of time you've spend in hell, certain magical items still left you with wonder. The versatility and power of the rings was one of those things. Anything you could think of would be on the other side of the ring. To you, it was one of the most amazing tools ever created.   
  
"A pocket dimension made just for me," Cell mused. "Interesting. I'm quite curious as to what's on the other side."  
  
"You're going to regret saying that."  
  
The ring had multiplied tenfold and took up a good amount of your desk. You grabbed it and ran your hands along the warm edges, focusing your thoughts and imbuing it with all you had learned about Cell. A wonderful idea came to you and you couldn't help but let out a giggle.  
  
He frowned, caught off guard by what had been your first outward expression of positive emotion. The smile left your face as quickly as it came, and you stood up. The ring began to float above your desk and flipped itself upright so you and Cell could look at each other through it.  
  
"Stand," you commanded. He obliged.  
  
You walked around your desk and stood behind him. The ring began to spark and crackle with energy. Its center slowly became opaque until all you could see was a swirling darkness.  
  
"You have committed mass murder, with the intent of destroying the Earth and beyond. For that, you have been sentenced to an eternity here in Hell. That sentence begins now."  
  
With a rare rush of excitement you pushed him through the portal and watched your plan unfold.  
  
He fell into the vast emptiness, eventually slowing to a stop. He looked around for a moment before suddenly letting out desperate, ragged scream. His eyes rolled to the back of his head as his whole body began to spasm. A sickly yellow-green glow appeared around him, gradually getting brighter until it engulfed him.  
  
The glowing orb slowly started to shrink until it was small enough to fit in a hand. It dimmed and revealed the form Cell had become.  
  
In the center of the ring was an ordinary brown cicada.  
  
"Your punishment is an eternity in this body, with all of your intelligence, memories, and aspirations still intact. Your goal is to survive whatever situations your ring and I generate. Dying in your situation will simply start a new one. Have fun, and dont forget to call every once in a while."  
  
The space inside the ring began to shift. A counter top appeared beneath Cell, and around that a quaint kitchen emerged. The bug immediately began to scuttle around, no doubt trying to figure out what the fuck was going on.   
  
He didnt notice the woman enter the kitchen until her high pitched wail made him freeze. Hurried footsteps preceded a boy coming to investigate.  
"Mom!? What's wrong?"   
"A roach! Oh, Gohan please get it you know I cant stand them!"  
  
With a wave of your hand the ring shrank back to it's original size and fell onto your desk, leaving Cell to his misery. You picked it up and took it to a small cabinet in the corner of the office. A silver key you kept on a chain around your neck unlocked the top drawer. You opened it to reveal over a dozen rings laying on a black velvet cushion. Each ring had a small label on it.  
  
You placed it in the empty space between two rings labeled "Garlic" and "L. Slug."  
  
You smiled briefly at your new addition, until you realized you probably won't get another one for a long while. With a sigh you locked it up and began to gather your things to go home.  
  
  



	4. An Expected Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cell won't leave you alone just yet

Your phone rang as soon as you entered your apartment.  
  
"Gods, now what."  
  
You answered it, only to hear an earsplitting _EEEEEEEEEEE EEE EEE EEE EEEEEEEE_  
  
"Agh! Shut _up!_ Hold _on_! I need to set my translator to Cicada."  
  
The Eeeing paused for a brief moment, then continued at a much louder volume.  
  
"Fucken asshole." You pressed the mute button and searched through your translation settings. You didn't see 'Cicada' anywhere, but you did find 'Insect (General)' and clicked that. You made a mental note to try and get that language added if it didnt work.  
  
To your surprise it registered successfully, and when you unmuted him you heard his tirade in his normal voice.  
  
"- _have you done to me, I SWEAR! When I get my hands on you you're dead! You-_ "  
  
"Newsflash, I'm already dead. What do you want?"  
  
"I want my body back!"  
  
"No can do, what do you want besides that?"  
  
"I want to tear you limb from limb and peel the flesh from your bones. I want to hear you scream and beg for my mercy , I-"  
  
"Okay, _please_ , if you're going to waste my time at least be creative with your threats."  
  
"I will END you!"  
  
"I'm genuinely curious as to how you plan on doing that in your teenie tiny cicada body."  
  
"I will burrow into your skull and consume you from the inside out if that's what it takes."  
  
"Huh, alright and then what's your plan? The only other person who could change you back is Yemma. I don't think he'd be too happy about you eating his top emplyee."  
  
"I'll consume him too! Ill-"  
  
It only just occurred to you that your lunch break was taken up by Cell's unexpected arrival, and you stopped listening to him so you could rummage through your fridge. You could still vaguely hear his rant through the speaker. If it weren't against Yemma's rules, you would have hung up on the bug already.  
  
So, you lowered the phones volume and settled down on your couch with a hastily prepared sandwich in your hand. You draped a blanket over your shoulders and booted up your laptop.  
  
Decades ago Yemma had given you access to his GodTube account, which was technically forbidden since you were a lower being. Whether he did this out of kindness, pity, or worry that your restlessness would get the best of you was up for debate. It was your main tool for knowing what was happening on Earth and beyond.  
  
Out of curiosity you went to the site and searched "Cell [Android] - Earth - U7." Dozens of results popped up, and you clicked on the first one, titled 'Cell Announces the Cell Games.' When the video started playing, the rambling from your phone stopped. You picked it up and addressed him.  
  
"Still there bug? I'm watching your television debut."  
  
He didn't reply, but the line didnt die so he had to be listening. You raised the volume on your computer so he could listen more easily and scrolled down to see what the various dieties of the multiverse had to say about Cell's speech.  
  
"The comments on this video are hilarious," you said with your mouth half full. "KainderEgg22 says 'Wow does this guy even listen to himself talk? The secondhand embarrassment is strong with this one.'"  
  
"Secondhand embarrassment? Who does he think he is? I brought fear to everyone who watched that and this fool thinks it's embarrassing?"  
  
"Chill out, to a Kai you're literally a bug. Of course you're a joke to them."  
  
"Please, I killed one. They're nothing."  
  
"Oh really? Yemma told me you swore up and down that it was Goku's fault the North Kai died. Maybe I should tell him you confessed!"  
  
Cell let out a frustrated groan. "To rephrase, I'm powerful enough to kill one."  
  
" _Were_ , you _were_ powerful enough to kill one."  
  
"I will be again."  
  
"Yeah man good luck with that."  
  
"Trust me, I-"  
  
He suddenly became silent, and you paused the video to listen to what was going on in the background. Much too loud footsteps streamed through the phone and you listened to Cell scuttle around, presumably to hide from his new housemates.  
  
"Before you plan on killing the king of Otherworld," you whispered into the phone. "Maybe you should find some hiding places."  
  
A sharp yelp and a small squelch signalled the end of your conversation and the line died. You let out a small laugh and tossed the phone to the opposite end of the couch. A permanently open document kept track of your cases, when they call, when they are eligible for a free day, and various notes gathered on them over the years. You added Cell to the bottom of the list, marking down the date and time of your conversation.  
  
You set an alarm to ring 364 days from now, to prepare for the next call.


	5. Limbo,  Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cell has received a free day. It doesnt start off the way you intended.

The day started off relatively normal. You peeled yourself out of bed and went to sit in the shower until your next alarm went off.

The phone chimed much sooner than expected, and you reached out of the tub to check on it. Today was May 26th, and you had completely forgotten it was Cell's yearly mark.

The android had been in hell for 3 years already, a blink of an eye to you. He had squandered his privileges in his first two years by exhibiting extremely violent acts of agression. Well, as violent as cicadas can get.

The eerie calmness of the third year came out of nowhere. In almost an instant your computer's incident log, which was synced to his ring, stopped detecting his constant outbursts. After an entire hour of silence you checked Cell's master log to view his vitals and basic activities. Its results were completely unexpected and somewhat amusing.

Cell had done what any other cicada would do and burrowed into the ground, presumably to hibernate. He stayed that way the entire year.

You shut off his alarm and enjoyed your last few relaxing minutes in the shower.  
.  
.  
.  
Your phone rang a few hours into your shift, when you were juggling paperwork and what you referred to as "computer paperwork." Even though you really didnt have the time to take a call, an unpleasant conversation would be worth the opportunity to rest your aching eyes.

"Hello?" You answered.

"May I leave?"

Well, this was a surprise. Cell sounded broken. Depressed, even. The smugness in his voice was gone and had been replaced with a defeated tone. You almost felt bad for him.

"No incidents were reported for you this year, so it appears you can. When would you like to schedule your visit?"

"As soon as possible."

You eyed the never ending to-do list on your desk. A trip to Limbo didnt sound too bad, even if it was with Cell.

"Its your lucky day, I can release you now if you'd like."

A long pause.

"I think I would like that."

You removed his ring from your filing cabinet and began the process of freeing him.

Going from bug to, well, bigger bug was a lot less painful than his previous transformation. When he regained his body he fell to his hands and knees, panting and shaking. After a moment he raised his hands to his face, and analyzed them as if they were foreign objects.

"So how have you been?" You asked casually.

He ignored you and touched his face, then his crown.

"I'm real...is this real?" he asked, mostly to himself.

"It is."

It occurred to you that he had been in the cicada form much longer than his current one. You let him study his body while you neatly organized the files on your desk and gathered your belongings. He mumbled to himself as he did and payed you no mind until you stepped in front of him.

"Are you going to look at your body all day or would you actually like an opportunity to use it?"

He looked up at you and stared for a moment, looking somewhat confused. Regaining one's body was typically a jarring experience, especially the first time. You grabbed his wrist and pulled him up slowly. it surprised you how light he was, you had assumed his carapace would weigh a ton.

His legs were wobbly, and he placed his free hand on your desk for balance.

"Try to take a step. When you can successfully walk around my desk unaided we can leave."

Seeing him get used to his legs again was like watching a baby take its first steps. Unstable, uncoordinated, unsure. It surprised you how different the Cell in front of you was than the one you had met years ago. He was helpless, and you couldn't help but feel a twinge of pity.

He walked around with a hand on the desk twice before he was able to move unassisted. His body still swayed a bit but was regaining his motor functions much faster than most, so you decided he was ready to go.

"One last thing before we leave."

You reached for his ring, which had fallen on the floor when it spit him out. It began to glow softly and increase in size. The color somehow drained from Cell's already pale face.

"Relax, you're not going back in just yet."

You let it go and it hovered slowly towards Cell until it stopped directly above him, where it would stay until it was time for him to return inside.

"Can't go out in public without a halo," you explained. "If you try to run off, attack anyone, or attempt to commit any other crimes it will open up and send you back in. Think of it as your leash, understood?"

He eyed it uneasily and clenched his jaw.

"Fine," he grumbled and crossed his arms.

"Then let's be off."  
.  
.  
.  
Even though Limbo had it's fair share of unique looking demons and imps it was still primarily filled with humans, and Cell looked very out of place. Most people stared as he passed, but some of Limbo's permanent residents were used to seeing you with weirdos and didnt even give him a double take.

"We have twenty three hours here, what would you like to do?" You asked.

"Well what is there to do?" He asked. He walked with his arms crossed and his eyes straight ahead, not bothering to look around him. A hint of arrogance had creeped back into his voice.

"I dont know about you but I'm starving."

"Doesnt look like it," he muttered as he eyed you.

"What kind of food do you like?" His insult went completely ignored. He considered your question for a moment.

"I am very hungry," he admitted. "I've been forced to rely on house plants for sustenance for three years. I need something I can tear into."

"I think I know just the place for you."

The most important tool you had found over the years was food. A good meal could open up the most withdrawn souls, soften the biggest bully, soothe the traumatized. It was a universal creature comfort that made the dead feel alive again. Restaurants were Limbo's biggest industry for a reason, and you had an almost infinite amount of choices to treat yourself (and Cell) to.

Both of you were severely out of place in the ancient steak house you decided to take him to. The clientele comprised almost exclusively of elites in tailored suits and designer dresses. Your clothes could barely be classified as business casual and Cell was, well, Cell.

The employees eyed you harshly, until you opened your wallet and pulled out a small metal card engraved with Yemma's insignia. Their snooty demeanor immediately vanished and they escorted the two of you to a private booth. You ordered two of everything without looking at the menu and the flustered waiters scurried away.

Cell stared at you with an unreadable face. His arms remained crossed and his eyes had a slight squint to them.

"What is the point of this?" He eventually asked.

"The point of what?"

"Everything. This city, this so-called free day. I'm having trouble understanding the point of all this."

"Well, the outings are meant to be motivation to behave. The more you behave the less resources are spent on you. Limbo itself, theres many of reasons it exists, but I dont really feel like explaining things you should already know."

"So I'm stuck in an endless cycle of complacency for mediocre reward? Just convenience you?"

"Sounds about right."

"Unbelievable."

"You don't need to behave, it's just highly encouraged."

"Tell me," he began, leaning back into the chair and stretching his legs out under the table. "Let's say I behave for an extended period of time, say 50, 100, 1000 years? Then what can I get."

"For most people extended good behavior means a faster reincarnation. For you, nothing. You'll never be eligible for reincarnation."

"So my actions in the grand scheme of things mean absolutely nothing."

"Exactly."

"I cannot believe this is what the brat reduced me to."

"Oh Gohan? Getting killed by him instead of Goku was a twist. How accurate is he in your ring's projection by the way?"

"It looks like him and whines like him, that's accurate enough."

"That's good to hear."

He started to lean forward and say something but became frozen in place when the two of you were hit by the most heavenly aroma. Multiple people with multiple plates flooded your table with a dizzying array of food.

"These are the entrees, the chefs are working their way through the rest of the menu. Enjoy!" your host said.

The look on Cell's face amused you. His glazed eyes and open mouth were almost exaggerated and comical. This was the desperate face of a creature who hadn't eaten anything substantial in a very long time.

He picked up and examined a small dish comprised of several cuts of meat and vegetables. After a moment of thought he tipped the entire plate's contents directly into his mouth. Sauce dripped down his chin and onto his chest, but he payed absolutely no mind as he chewed in silence with his eyes closed.

"Still think this is mediocre?" you asked.

"More." The single word was both a command and a plea. You gestured to the feast between you two.

"Go wild, man. Theres plenty more coming."

You quickly grabbed the few things you really wanted before Cell got the chance to scarf them down. He used his hands like shovels, making a giant mess of himself and the table.

"Have you ever eaten a proper meal? Do you know what a utensil is?"

"No," he said through a mouth full of rice.

You were glad the table was spacious. The area around Cell quickly became crowded with dirty empty plates. Part of you wondered of he was even chewing.

After what you assumed was his 30th dish he becan to slow down and savor his food.

 

"If I had known this is what humans were stuffing themselves with,' he said rather suddenly."I may have taken the chance to cook them first."

A nervous chuckle turned your attention to the end of the table, where one of the chefs, a former human named West stood.

"(Y/N,) didnt expect you see you here." He turned to Cell. "How is your meal, sir?"

"Everything is delightful!" Cell answered, right as he chomped down on several toasted ribs, bone and all. West didnt even try to hide his disgust as he looked over the sauce covered bug.

"I didn't  know you worked here now," you commented 

"Been here a couple years already. Is this one new?" He asked you.

"He is."

"They never give you ones with manners do they?"

"Never have never will."

"Odd looking one as well. Is that a hat or is that just how his head is?"

"You know," Cell said, turning to West. "I would appreciate it if you didn't speak about me like I'm not right in front of you." His voice was full of annoyance but nonthreatening.

"That's just how his head is," you answered.

Cell glared at you and mumbled something under his breath before returning to the food in front of him.

"So, West," you turned to him. "What do you want?"

He glanced at Cell, then back at you.

"Could we maybe speak somewhere in private?"

"No, we cant. What do you want?"

"I'm, ah...its just good to see you. Havent heard from you in a while."

"I'm working."

"Are you though?"

Cell's chewing slowed and he looked at the two of you curiously. He took in West's embarrassed face, then your irritated one.

"This just got interesting," he said.

"This has nothing to do with you, Cell. And you," you said turning to West. "I suggest you walk away before your manager finds out you're harassing his customers."

He opened his mouth in protest, but you silenced him with a head tilt and a raised eyebrow. He slumped away without a word. Across the table, Cell had his chin propped on one of his dirty hands and a shrewd smile on his face.

"Care to explain?" he pried.

"No. Finish eating so we can get out of here."

"Hmph, alright then."

The two of you finished the meal without another word. According to your clock you had only been in Limbo for just over 4 hours. You sighed and rubbed hour temples.

It was gonna be a long day.


	6. Limbo, Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The free day keeps going downhill

Cell had been allowed a brief moment of privacy to clean himself off. You lounged on an impossibly comfortable leather couch outside the bathroom. 5 minutes was all you had given him, and that time was running short.

You spent those minutes on your phone adding a few mundane observations to your notes. It was rather disappointing how he didn’t live up to the hype his file had built. You at least expected him to be...what were you expecting?

The timer chimed.  

You didn't bother knocking before entering the bathroom, where he stood in front of a large mirror studying himself intensely.

"In a way," he began when he noticed your presence. "I'm grateful I've been out of my body so long. Seeing myself again is just as exhilarating as the first time I saw my perfect form. And this time, I have a mirror!"

"I suppose it's nice to see the bright side of your fate. Your time is up, by the way. And there’s still what I can only hope is teriyaki sauce on the tips of your fingers."

“That could not have already been five minutes, I just got in here!”

“There’s no filler in hell, get used to it.”

“Filler? What's filler?”

“Time flows differently here, and it's up. Wash your hands and lets go.”

“Hold on, you said this was _my_ day. I would like to continue examining myself.”

“Sure! Let’s just find you a better place to do it.”

“But I’ve grown rather fond of this mirror.”

_“Cell.”_

“Why so eager to leave? Did a certain chef leave a bad taste in your mouth?”

You knew he’d bring that up sooner or later. It was time to remind him not to get too comfortable.

“It may be ‘your’ day, but I set the rules and I get the final say. I gave you a time limit and it has expired. I cannot explain it in simpler terms.”

Throughout the exchange his eyes never left the mirror. Now, they shifted towards you. He glanced at the aloof expression on your face, then down to the ever present baton on your hip.

“It appears I have no choice. Fine.”

“Now you’re getting it.”

Once outside the restaurant, you pulled out your phone to access a map.

“Still want to find a mirror?” you asked.  

“Hm. No, I think it can wait.”

“Alright then, what do you have in mind?”

He thought for a moment.

“I think I’d simply like to stretch my legs.

You motioned for Cell to follow and turned left, deeper into the city.

While the two of you walked he never left your sight. You made sure to only remain one step behind him. Experience told you to watch closely and observe his reactions.

His eyes followed the various people who passed and ignored him. They darted up, to the minuscule patch of pink sky above, then straight ahead.  An expression you had seen countless times on countless people crossed his face. Hesitation, confusion, and, most importantly, realization dawned on him.

Limbo was vast, bigger than any city and even some countries that existed on earth over its lifespan. Its buildings were so massive they blocked out most of the sky. The last census claimed Limbo had 3.23 billion permanent residents, and almost 5 billion visitors daily.

A small wave of those people moved around the two of you, completely oblivious to the creepy bug under your watch. You noticed he could not stop looking at everyone who passed.

“Were you expecting more attention?”

Your question made his eye twitch. He seemed very uncomfortable not being the center of attention.

“They’re not even giving me a second look!” he muttered, with an mix of anger and confusion in his voice. “Do they not know who I am?”

“Most likely not. The majority of the souls here are older and don't care much for Earth’s current events.”

“Fine, even if they don’t keep up with the news they still have eyes! At the very least my perfect form deserves a double take!”

“You still don’t get it, and I don’t expect you to.”

“Get what? Stop being cryptic and explain!”

You kept walking, letting him fall only slightly behind so he could follow you while you spoke. His squeaky feet were sufficient enough sign that he was following you.

“You’re still thinking in terms of Earth. This is Limbo. No one is important here. No one is special or intimidating or worth being a thought in a stranger's mind. Once people die they tend to mind their own business.”

“But I-”

"Let me ask you something," you cut him off. If he was willing to listen, you were willing to lecture. "Have you heard the phrase 'a big fish in a small pond?'"

"I may have come across it on Gero's computer."

So, that's definitely a no.

"If you raise a shark in a koi pond, it's going to quickly consume and conquer the smaller inhabitants. The same shark would not fare well if thrown in the ocean. In fact I can guarantee it would fall to something larger it could not have imagined in the pond."

You stopped at an intersection and raised your arm out in front of him, forcing him to wait before crossing.

"Tell me, (Y/N), how do sharks survive the transition?"

Traffic slowed.

"They finally reach the point where they realize how insignificant they are. "

"And after that?" He pried.

A light switched on on at the end of the crosswalk, and you continued walking.

"That depends on how strong their survival instinct is."

Cell stopped following when he reached the sidewalk again. When you turned to him, he was standing with his usual crossed arms and bratty glare.

"I'm sure your nice little metaphor goes well with most simpletons you come across but it won't for me."

"Why? Because you believe yourself to be above everyone else?"

"Exactly. I am Perfect, this is simply another test that I have to complete to prove that."

"The sooner you lose that ego,the better of you'll be. That's just my advice, though. Take it or leave it, I really don't care."

"Why should I listen to you?"

"Because you'll be better off if you do."

"Hmph, sure I will."

"You think you're special and you're really not. An oddity, perhaps, but not special

"Oddity?" He seemed affronted by your choice in word. “Whatever data Yemma has on me obviously isn't correct if you think so lowly of me.”

“No, it's correct. I have a catalog of every moment of your life. Would you like to know why you're not special?“

“Please,” his voice became low, and a couple of centuries ago you may have described it as menacing. “Tell me. Tell me why I’m not special.”

The speech was going to end one of two ways; either he reaches his existential crisis stage or he lashes out in anger. You were betting on the latter.

“I have met thousands of people exactly like you. You all think you're either fulfilling some great purpose or just straight up power hungry or both. You may some kind of limited edition designer power bug but outside of that you’re just like all the other goons I deal with on a daily basis. I know how and why you think the thoughts that you do.”

That tiny part of you that liked to push things too far took control. You decided being brutally honest wouldn't hurt and you added a final thought.

“The only thing special about you is how disappointingly boring you are.

His face contorted in anger and raised his hand in the air to slap you.

It was your turn to smirk as the halo above him began to glow. He froze in that comical pose and by the time his confusion set in the glow had already engulfed him.

"Have a good year, Cell."

You gave him a quick wave as he began to shriek in agony. A he disappeared with a small pop! and the ring floated towards you.

You pocketed the ring and pulled out your phone to check the time. Cell had made it four hours, three more than you had anticipated. On paper, you were going to go back into your office, verify Cell's time log, and go back to work.

In reality, you were going to take the rest of the day for yourself on Yemma's dime.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had the majority of this in a draft for a long time unhappy with it, so I did what any responsible writer would do and got super high and filled in the blanks so we can move on!


End file.
